I got home from work today and broke down into tears.. i didnt even know i could cry anymore.. the last time i remember crying was when i found out i may be having a kid.. and that was 4 years ago. Today ive realized many things… Everyday i wake up and force a smile on my face.. the funny thing is that everyone thinks its real.. i must be the greatest actor of all time. I feel fucking empty even though i have three amazing people in my life, my mom, my sister and my girlfriend. I could honestly care less about anyone else because why would they care about me? Fighting suicide is seriously the hardest thing to do, they say its so easy then why is it so hard to go through with? I know people would miss me but they would only miss me because im gone? And the funny thing is.. the fact that im so depressed is pathetic.. people have it so much worse than me and they still get by but why cant i? Im weak, thats why. I wish i could be happy and i wish i could make everyone else happy.. its funny because i actually try to, but when i hurt or upset someone it kills me, because other peoples happiness is all i have left, its all i want. Im ok with being this way, i truly am, but if i cant even make anyone else happy then whats the fucking point? People will think “oh youre so dramatic, youre such a girl” but i really dont give a fuck. Fuck you for thinking that. And fuck me for letting you think that. This is real life, and life sucks. Thank god for those three people in life because without them i wouldnt be here. My girlfriend is the most amazing person in the world and i love her dearly. I feel like shit because ive asked her to stay home tonight and cancel her plans just because im being a bitch and feel like shit. I worry that shes going to leave me everytime i dont talk to her and it eats away at me, its not fair to her. Nothing i do to people is fair. Im a constant fuck up. But from this day forward, im going to attempt to be happy. Im going to give her everything she wants. Im going to make my mom and sister not only happy but proud. Im going to give everyone the respect they deserve. Im gonna make changes, for the better.